I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Randomize
