i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
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