ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
