he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
I am in a vortex of obligation.
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
