you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
