i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
