Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Randomize
