I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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