So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
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