'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Randomize
