I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
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