then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
