Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
