conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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