Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
