I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
