It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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