Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Randomize
