I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
