New low: just hacked my moms facebook
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
