Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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