Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Omg I joined a choir last night...
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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