hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
I just gift wrapped bread.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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