# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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