i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
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