lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
