Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
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