I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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