so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
