Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
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