I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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