I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
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