$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
