I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize