Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
Randomize
