she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
