you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Randomize
