I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Randomize
