That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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