i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Randomize
