You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
We are two peas in an std pod
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize