oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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