So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
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