The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
