I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Randomize