I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Randomize
