my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
