1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Randomize