Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
