they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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