I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
You did what with his pubic hair?
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
