Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Randomize
