her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize
