i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
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