im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
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