when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Randomize
