plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
