3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Mom said you looked used
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Randomize
