he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Randomize
