listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Randomize
