The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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