did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
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