Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
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