I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
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