super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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