Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
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