I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
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