home. puking in laundry basket.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Randomize
