Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
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