I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
