I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
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