she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
Randomize