I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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