i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
