why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
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