she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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