He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
