hotel room ftw
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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