i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Boobs are out for the taking
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Randomize