I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
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