i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Randomize
