My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
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