I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Randomize
