i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
