I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
