the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
