The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Randomize
