When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
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