I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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