I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Randomize
