i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize