Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
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