I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Randomize
