Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
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