didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Randomize