and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize
