No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
