Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
