i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
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