none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Randomize