im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
