i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
