Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Randomize