i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
The convent might be a nice break from real life
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
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