I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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