We named our party play list daddy issues
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
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