Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
