Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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