I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
