I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
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