Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
