Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Randomize
