I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
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